Vicki Kickin' Cancer's bootie

Just taking it one day at a time

2011-08-19T08:46:00.000-07:00

I've had a rough week with trying to recover from Chemo on Monday and dealing with the aftermath of the events that took place on Monday Afternoon. For those of you that don't know, I was driving home from Chemo on Monday afternoon, in my boyfriend's car, when there was an explosion and the car burst into flames. I pulled over and got out of the car. There were several people that had stopped on the side of the road to help me. Including a very nice lady who could see that I was visibly shaken and let me sit in her car until the police and fire department arrived. The car is a total loss, but I am alright. Even though everyone keeps telling me that my being alright is what matters, I still feel terrible even though it was one of those freakish unexplained events. Even my boyfriend says how incredibly unfair it is that I was the one that was driving the car when this happened. I don't think anyone can stop the guilt, even if they did nothing wrong, when they are driving someone else's car and something happens. I was fortunate enough to be able to get a ride to get unhooked on Wednesday, but am unsure as to how to work all of this out to get to treatment in the future.

I was already in a tough place emotionally and mentally the past few weeks and now I feel like I have been pushed over the edge. I spend the first couple of days uncontrollably crying and feeling sorry for myself. I just don't know how to fix this. My boyfriend has been incredible. I know how unexpected and stressful this is for him. This is reality to the extreme and I just have to pray that things will work out as intended.

In my last post, I talked about how I have been slowly changing my diet and using supplements where I know that I am lacking and where research has proven them to be beneficial to colon cancer patients. I have been striving to make the majority of my meals more fruits, vegetables, and whole wheat pasta and beans. I am trying to minimize my intake of meat, dairy, and unhealthy snacks, etc. I have a long way to go, but I have made significant progress. I have also added supplements like omega-3, B-complex, D3 and probiotics. So far, I have noticed that I have been feeling a lot better with the changes. This week, I plan to go for daily walks and enroll in a yoga class.

Just wanted to send out another "Thank You" to all the wonderfully supportive people whose kindness and prayers have kept me motivated and inspired to stay healthy. It has been 26 months since my diagnosis and I refuse to give up.

Until Next time

Vicki

Hectic Life

2011-08-11T22:58:00.000-07:00

The kids have been out of school since the end of May and it seems that we have been non-stop busy since then. There are so many things that need to be accomplished before the new school year starts and there never seems to be enough time or money. I've been feeling overwhelmed and emotional. I've been having many days where I just don't see how I can manage it all and I am envious of those people who have really close friends who live nearby to lean on when it all gets unbearable. My closest friends live on the other side of the country. I've tried to make friends here, but not having my own transportation has made it difficult to meet up since I live in a fairly rural area. Two years without a car and I have reached my breaking point. It gets me down. On top of all that I have been dealing with, I hate that I have to struggle with that. I know that some people may think that is whiny of me, but I feel very isolated right now.

Then last month, we had a scare with my middle son. Prior to a scheduled surgery to have his tonsils/adenoids removed and have bilateral tubes placed, there were concerns about some of his blood work that was done. Apparently, they did not like the numbers and it put him at higher risk for bleeding. So, they postponed his surgery and sent us to a hematologist to determine what the cause was. I was in a panic. How much more could I handle? Thankfully, a second round of blood tests turned up normal and his surgery was rescheduled for August 9th. We are two days post surgery and he is uncomfortable, but doing well. I am happy to have this surgery behind us and have him on the mend. Poor little guy must have had a sore throat his entire life and never knew any better or complained. The surgeon/ENT said that he had the tonsils of a 21 year old (they were that large). Once he is recovered, he is going to feel so much better. Plus, towards the end of last year, he as getting ear infections at a rate of almost one a month. This was a necessity and I am glad that we got it accomplished before the start of first grade.

We've also been busy with traveling to a family reunion, our county fair, and some local festivals. The kids have had a great summer and we still have until after Labor day before they return to school. Things will be hectic then with the three kids going to three separate schools. My oldest is starting 7th grade at the High school, my middle child 1st grade, and my youngest is starting preschool three mornings a week. This is going to be a great school year for all of them. :)

I want to thank everyone for your continued support and prayers. It means so much to me and it keeps me strong and focused on what is important - getting well. I have been doing a lot of research on nutrition and supplements lately and I have a list of blog posts that I want to do regarding this. So, look for those really soon. I also have been focusing on moving more whether that be walking, jogging, yoga, etc. I have a plan to make the most of my time in Sept when the kids go back to school, so I can continue on my healing journey and beat this stupid cancer.

It's late here, but I wanted to make sure to get this blog post up as promised. I will work on the other blog posts I mentioned as well as putting up some pictures of our summer adventures.

Until next time

xoxo

Vicki

End of June update

2011-06-29T13:35:00.000-07:00

Not much has changed in terms of my treatment. I think there seems to be an ongoing misunderstanding with some of my friends and family regarding my treatment. I am currently on lifetime chemotherapy. There is no cure for me and I will continue to receive chemo for the duration of my life. It would literally take a "miracle" for my cancer to be cured. So, now it is all about living with cancer as a "chronic illness". When I was first diagnosed with an emergency trip to the hospital, my colon had actually ruptured. This actually was a very bad thing in terms of my prognosis.

So, for the most part, I have just been trying to eat healthier and exercise to increase the odds of my beating the odds. I am truly living my life for the sake of those that care about me. I am actually feeling pretty great these days. For a long time, I couldn't function without taking a daily nap, but I haven't needed that since the kids got out of school for summer in late May. Maybe that is because we have been really busy with activities like a trip to the Mall of America and the Aquarium in April and the zoo last weekend. This coming weekend we are celebrating my youngest child's 3rd birthday with a trip to Adventure Zone in Duluth.

Today, we went to my Oncologist appointment. I didn't have chemo today, but will resume next week with my regular bi-weekly schedule. I'm in the process of getting some major dental work done. (Thank you to cancer and chemo for completely destroying my teeth and any previous dental work I had done in 2008). Yesterday, I had to have two teeth pulled. Fortunately, after all I have been through, it was a piece of cake for me. So, we were going to schedule my dental work around my chemo, but after seeing me today, my oncologist and I decided that it was not necessary to delay any treatments. I would have had treatment today, but I had all three of my kids with me. Five hours with all three of them in a treatment room did not sound like a good day. So, instead we re-scheduled for next week. After my Appointment, the kids and I headed off to order my youngest child's birthday cake. I held him up to the book of cakes and he picked out the cutest Dora cake. :)

So, not much has changes around here, but we are keeping busy and having a fantastic summer.

Thank you for all your wonderful thoughts, comments, and prayers. They are keeping me as healthy as possible.

~Vicki

It's been such a long time (an update)

2011-03-02T11:31:00.000-08:00

I really apologize that it has been such a long time since I updated my blog. Life has been crazy with three kids. I almost don't know where to start. Towards the end of last year, I had a scan and got the scary news that my cancer had spread once again to my lungs. We immediately switched my treatment to Folfuri with Avastin. I was scared, confused, but so very happy to be done with Erbitux for the moment. However, it always seems that you trade one nasty side effect for another. In the beginning of this treatment, I suffered horrible stomach aches and constipation. Thankfully, the pain was worth it and my latest scan showed no visible lung mets. The treatment is working. The side effects also seemed to have leveled out. I still have some back pain, headaches, and some not so fun lip blisters. In spite of that, I can say for the first time in a long time, I feel almost "normal". I can only pray that this treatment continues to do its job for a long time to come.

As for the rest of my world, I am just trying to live as normally as possible. I just finished my eighth class at University of Phoenix working towards my Bachelors. I have put my education on hold so many times in my life that in spite of everything, I feel there is no better time than "right now". It keeps me focused on something other than sitting on the "pity potty" and makes me feel like I am accomplishing something. For those that know me, you know that I take everything that I do very seriously and put all my effort into it. It has been hard now because with treatment comes "chemo brain" and I feel like I have to work twice as hard to concentrate and focus on anything. Maybe this is because I have been on continuous treatment since July 2009. who knows?!?!

All three of my kids are doing fabulous and I couldn't be prouder. I think the fact that I feel and act stronger than ever has helped them to manage their own emotions regarding my diagnosis. We all just have to live each day to the fullest and take it one day at a time. They know that their mommy is fighting like mad to spend more time with them.

In closing, I will say that this year is starting out on a more positive note than last year and I will continue to fight to be with my children. I appreciate all of my friends and family who continue to send their love, prayers, and support to me. It means everything to me. I will make more of an effort to keep people updated through my blog. I tend to forget that not everyone sees my daily progress updates on facebook or otherwise. To my cancer friends, you are all always in my thoughts and prayers.

Finally...an update!!!

2010-09-21T10:11:00.000-07:00

It has been quite awhile since I last updated my blog. I sincerely apologize to those of you that follow my blog only. I tend to forget that not everyone is seeing my daily status updates on facebook or hearing about my elsewhere. I will make a better effort in the future to not leave people wondering about me. I am still fighting with everything that I have to kick this cancer's bootie!!!

These last few months have been busy with so many changes. In early July, I suffered a severe sunburn that caused my entire back to blister and bleed. It was incredibly painful and actually ended up earning me a chemo "holiday" for about a month. Luckily, my break from chemo also happened just as I was packing up for my trip to Arizona to visit my family and bring my daughter home. So, it was nice that I was able to enjoy my five days there without the normal side effects of the chemo.

So, my daughter and I returned home to Minnesota in early August. We had a fun time on our flights and my daughter absolutely loves our new house and her new room. I took a lot of time in making sure that everything was perfect for her. She has adjusted well, made friends at school and in our neighborhood, and is spending a lot more time socializing with friends. My little girl is growing up!

The week before I flew to Arizona, Tyler finished up his t-ball season. He had a great season and enjoyed receiving his trophy at the end of season party. He was so proud! Now on to his new sport of choice..Hockey!!!

My two oldest kids have now started school, so it is just me and my little Logee during the day now. He is turning into such a sweet little man and has fun playing with mommy. Tyler got a train/train table for his birthday last week and Logee just loves playing with it. I love that he uses his imagination and is more interested in playing than watching any television. He occasionally get enthralled with a movie during rest time at his daycare, but other than that he watches almost zero television. He would much rather play with his toys, friends, or his brother. He is just so curious and excited about the world around him.

I am still attending classes at the University of Phoenix and just completed my fourth course and am proud to say I have earned straight As so far. Taking my classes really helps me to focus and concentrate on things other than cancer. and all the negatives that come with it.

I just completed my 25th cycle of treatment last week. I am still on my original chemo "cocktail" and am back to getting the hated Erbitux weekly. So, now my life literally revolves around my chemo schedule, but it is keeping me going. so, for that I am thankful. I just had another CT scan done and my cancer is stable. This means that there is no change..no shrinkage, no growth, and no spread. When you have as much cancer as I do, this is fantastic news.

So, that is what has been going on here. As usual, I appreciate all the support, thoughts, and prayers. I couldn't have made it this far without them.

Until next time,
Vicki

Cycle 20 and reflecting on the past year

2010-06-24T21:38:00.000-07:00

So, This past Wed. marked my 20th cycle of treatment. I get "unhooked" tomorrow and will be feeling pretty tired for another three days after that. Then I will feel "normal" again until the next treatment. This is the way it goes and how I am managing my cancer as a chronic illness instead of the death sentence that some would like me to believe. I am living day to day with hope. July 2nd will mark my 1 year since diagnosis. What a year it has been!

It has been a difficult year for all that are close to me. We have certainly had our fair share of heartache, but we have also overcome many obstacles that have been thrown in our path. My children seem more content and happier than they have been in a long time despite the difficulties that we still face.

Up until early this year, my middle child was dealing with a lot of emotional and mental issues. Over the course of the past six months, he has made a complete turn-around. In fact, he has made huge improvements emotionally, mentally, and even socially. I was at my wits end with a very "difficult" child. When I look at photos of him from the past, he always seemed sad and grumpy. He never wanted anyone to touch him --no hugs or kisses for mommy. Today, he is always smiling in pictures, likes to be tucked into his own bed with hugs and kisses and is a wonderful friend and big/little brother. I am so proud of his accomplishments.

My oldest has also had her fair share of emotional and difficult times. Since she is a pre-teen, the full reality of my cancer and all that we face is known to her. She spent a few months with pretty major depression and anti-social behavior. She didn't want to do homework and really just disliked the "world". I was seriously worried about her. She also has made a huge turn-around and is such a remarkable young lady.

I guess I should feel lucky that my youngest is pretty clueless in terms of all that has happened in our lives. We have all come together as a family and Mark has been a blessing in helping us to live our lives as normally as possible and for my children to experience what it is like to be a part of a true family. My two little boys have found that they really enjoy each others company. When they play together they are starting to show how much they love and are fiercely protective of each other. It is so sweet how much little brother looks up to big brother.

The past few months have been an emotional roller coaster ride for me. Several of my stage Iv friends have become very ill. Some have recovered and are still fighting. One last week lost after a very courageous battle until the end. He was a fighter. I love my life and all those in it and I will continue to fight to be with my love ones for as long as I can. I still believe with all my heart that I can live with this. It sucks to wake up and your first thought is, "I have cancer", but you put your feet on the ground and you live!

As usual, thanks to everyone for your continued thoughts, prayers, and support. It means so much to me that so many people are rooting for me.

Until next time,
Vicki

Check out this great giveaway

2010-04-29T17:11:00.000-07:00

My friend Danica has an awesome food blog and is currently doing a giveaway. I encourage you all to check out her great recipes and amazing pictures. You can check out her giveaway at the following link:

http://danicasdaily.com/wiseman-tea-magic-tea-post-giveaway/

Kicked off Cycle 16

2010-04-29T06:54:00.000-07:00

So, yesterday I went in for my five hour infusion. It went well and as always I fought the benedryl. I hate to sleep, so I watched kitty shows on Animal Planet, chatted with the other patients and nurses, texted with my a few people, and read a little. It actually went by pretty fast. I had my blood counts done just before infusion and they are normal still. The Doctor said that this chemo shouldn't affect them as much as the Oxy did.

My neuropathy is still really bad. My hands and feet are constantly numb and sometimes it's all the way up to my knees. I guess that is unusual. The doctor was surprised that my old clinic gave me the full 12 cycles of Oxy with symptoms this bad. It sounds as if this may be a permanent condition for me. It is uncomfortable and frustrating when I can' open things myself or normal small motor tasks take longer than usual, but it is something that I an live with.

I will have another PET scan in three weeks to determine the process of this current treatment. I am crossing my fingers and praying that it continues to do its job. I will have one more cycle before it is done here in Duluth, MN. Then I will have an appointment with the doctor to go over the results.

I also learned yesterday that the doctor here has been giving me steroids in my pre-meds. I am not happy about this. I went through 13 cycles of treatment without it, so I am not sure why they are giving it to me now. I have noticed a marked change in the way I feel. I feel way worse than I ever have. Increased hunger, thirst, urination, water retention, weight gain, and headaches. I feel like I am constantly hungry and thirsty. This is something that I am going to discuss with the nurses on Friday (when I gt unhooked from my pump) to see if they can get the Doctor to eliminate this as part of my treatment for now unless it is necessary.

The rest of my life is wonderful. I started my class at University of Phoenix and it has certainly been keeping my mind occupied. I have a busy week this coming week with papers due, Kindergarten preview for Tyler, and a couple of other appointments. It is nice to be living life with my honey and my kiddos. My daughter has one more month of school and then she will join us here in MN. I am so excited for that. We talk and text daily, but it just isn't enough.

Thanks to everyone who continues to support me, pray for me, and cheer me on. You are all blessings to my life.

Doctor's Appointment

2010-04-21T15:00:00.000-07:00

Went to see the Doctor this morning for my check-up and to go over the results of the blood tests I had done on Monday. My CEA (tumor marker) went down from 770.9 to 697. My Liver is functioning normally and all my blood work was normal. A CT/PETSCAN is being scheduled in four weeks time to see where we are at with treatment. For now, things are improving and the treatment is working.

I took both my boys in for their check-ups and they withheld a couple of my youngest child's shots because they are live vaccines. There was concern that it might be too dangerous for me during treatment. I mentioned it at my appointment today and they told me that if I can avoid changing his diapers for 72 hours, he could receive his shots. That would be impossible, so I am holding off for now.

My youngest currently has a cold that I am trying to avoid getting. I am taking him to the doctor tomorrow as a precautionary measure. Poor little guy!

I started my class at the University of Phoenix on Tuesday. I am really excited about taking this step to further my education. Plus, as a added bonus it keeps my mind occupied on other things besides the big "C".

Thanks for all the continued support and prayers. I know they are working as I have been blessed with more time with my loved ones.

Cycle 15 completed

2010-04-16T20:32:00.000-07:00

Not sure what happened to my last update from the restart of my treatment that I posted a couple of weeks ago, but I thought it was time for another update. On Wed, I went in for about five hours of infusion at the clinic and came home with my "baby bottle" for two days. I was unhooked early this afternoon and get to enjoy a week of freedom now. I am feeling alright so far. A little more tired and it seems that I have been getting really emotional on unhook days. I think that it is the one day that I tend to sit on the "pity potty" and think all sorts of irrational thoughts. Often times, I think of milestones in my children's life that I want to experience. With my middle child going to Kindergarten in the fall, I think of how I so badly want to see my youngest do the same.

My daughter's 11th birthday is next week and I think of what a beautiful young woman she has become. I want to see her go to her prom, graduate high school, go to college, get married, and one day have babies of her own. I want that more than anything.

I think of how lucky I am to have a wonderful man like Mark in my life. How important he has become to me and how much I want to share a beautiful future with him. He is so supportive and puts up with my many ups and downs along this journey. I am a very lucky lady!

I start my first class with the University of Phoenix next week. I am excited and nervous at the same time. It is one of those things that I have put off for too long. I am looking at this cancer as a chronic illness instead of thinking the worst. This is something that I can LIVE with.

Next week, I get my blood tests done and see the doctor. I will update again then. Hopefully, I will have good news to report on the chemo's progress. As always, I appreciate all of the people who keep me in their thoughts and daily prayers. You all have been so wonderful in helping me to stay positive and keep fighting.

Update March 2010

2010-03-16T07:19:00.001-07:00

Went in for an appointment with my new Oncologist yesterday morning. We discussed my prior treatment and he ordered a new PET scan to be done in the next couple of weeks. I meet with him next week, so that he can get all my meds situated here and I start Chemo next week. I will be continuing with the same Chemo - Folfox without the Oxy with the biological treatment Erbitux. He also is putting in a referral for genetic testing as there is a possibility that I have a syndrome that I may have passed along to my children.

He showed me the scan images from Jan on his computer of my Lungs and my Liver. My lungs were clear in Jan, but my Liver images (although not a surprise) were shocking to see in visual. My tumors are still quite large and he made it clear that this is a chronic lifelong condition. I may go into periods of remission, but it is unlikely that I will ever be cancer-free.

Otherwise, I am doing quite well. The boys are going to be enrolled in an excellent daycare here for when I am receiving treatment. They are both very excited to play with other children their own ages.

As Always, thanks to everyone for the continued prayers and support. I will update again next week when I see my Oncologist again and start back up on Chemo.

An Update

2010-03-03T07:27:00.000-08:00

So, it has been awhile since I last updated. The boys and I are still in Minnesota enjoying an extended "vacation". The boys have enjoyed playing in the snow, sledding, and making a snowman with Mark. It has been a wonderful time and a much needed break from my normal routine of Chemo, Dr's appts, and the regular craziness of my life.

I have an appt with my Oncologist on the 15th of March to discuss treatment options and see where we go from here. I am still feeling pretty good except my Neuropathy has gotten much worse over the past few weeks. My oncologist said that without the Oxy, that I would feel a lot better. I am hopeful that it is just getting worse before it gets better. My hands are so bad that I am continually dropping things and having a hard time using them. This is something that I definitely need to discuss with my doctor. Other than that, I feel really "normal" and healthy. There are many days now that I wake up and have a hard time believing that I am even "sick". I am taking this as a wonderful sign that I will beat this nasty disease despite the odds.

Life is pretty wonderful right now and I am thankful for all my blessings. Mark has been a wonderful support to me and makes me a believer. I see a bright future ahead of me that is not filled with sadness. I don't think so much anymore of not being here for him or my children. I believe that I will conquer and live a healthier life with him by my side.

My kids are thriving now. Kaylie is doing wonderful in school. I am so very proud of her. She has really made a turnaround and I contribute that to my mom's loving support of her and the fact that mommy is not so depressed and angry anymore. Tyler has been doing fabulous and has made huge progress. He ADHD and other issues are being managed beautifully and I feel much more in control of the situation. Logan has entered the "terrible twos" and is in to everything. He is such a little stinker. They are all doing great! :0)

I'll update again soon when I have more details on my treatment. I am very thankful for my blessings and for each moment. Thank you all again for your support and prayers.

Cycle 13 and Erbitux treatment

2010-02-12T06:16:00.000-08:00

Thought I would do an update before I go on my two week vacay. cycle 13 went well with the new chemo regimen of just 5-FU and leucovorin with the Erbitux. Still pretty much side effect free except for the Neuropathy and a smidgen of fatigue. I am feeling pretty great these days and certainly not your "typical" stage IV cancer patient.

Yesterday, I had my weekly Erbitux treatment. My friend/neighbor went with me. It was nice to have someone to chat with during my treatment. It made the time go by quickly and I got some laughs in too. So, now I am officially on "chemo break" until March 3rd when I start Chemo cycle 14.

So, the boys and I are very excited for our trip to MN to see Mark. Tyler is especially excited to have the opportunity to throw a snowball at mommy. ;o) This will be the first time that either one of them have seen snow, so I am so excited for them. they will also get to see their Grandpa, whom they haven't seen since this past summer. I will be sure to take lots of pics to share from all the fun they are going to have.

As always, I want to think everyone for their continued support, thoughts and prayers. I feel so fortunate to have such great family and friends. you all mean so much to me. this journey is sure teaching me much about the true value of family and friends.

I'll update again soon.

New round starts Wed

2010-02-01T17:13:00.001-08:00

So, my new round of Chemo starts on Wed afternoon. I will get Chemo this week and the Erbitux next week. Then, I am taking a two week break from treatment for my trip to Minnesota. I should be done with this round of treatment in May if everything continues to go well. Hopefully, this time the cancer will go into remission. I an still feeling really great and the kids are doing well to. They have settled into our new home nicely.

It has been nice living so close to my oldest brother as we can visit more often now. My children absolutely adore him. Especially my middle child. He is always wanting to go to his apartment. It is so adorable.

Thanks once again for the continued support and prayers. I really think that attitude is everything when dealing with Cancer. I refuse to let it get the best of me. Do I have days were I feel overwhelmed and sad? Of course I do. The unknown is always lurking in my mind. However, I do feel very optimistic that I am winning here. :0)

Doctor appointment update

2010-01-26T18:20:00.000-08:00

So, I saw my Oncologist today to go over the results of my PET scan and to discuss the next course of treatment. My cancer is not in remission, so this means more Chemo for me. For the next three to four months, I will continue doing the Folfox treatment minus the Oxaliplatin with the biological treatment of Erbitux. She took the Oxakiplatin out because of the Neuropathy that I have been experiencing and she said I should start to feel much better.

My cancer has not spread or reoccurred in the Colon, but I still have several tumors on the right lobe of my liver. The inside of the tumors are going through Necrosis which means the tumors are dying on the inside, but there is still activity on the outer tumors. This activity has caused my tumor markers to go up. (Both the CEA and the CA-19-9 Colon cancer tumor markers). I had my blood drawn again today for these markers and will see the doctor again on March 9. She did give me the okay to still take my two week vacation to Minnesota in Feb and to "skip" treatment during this time. The doctors office should be giving me a call within the next few days to set up my treatment dates.

I am NOT taking all this information as bad news. I am looking at it in a very positive light. A lot of my tumors are now gone. They were at one time covering my entire liver. I had very large tumors with the largest measuring 13 mm on my liver. The largest one is now 10mm and is going through Necrosis, so this is good news. The Chemo is working. I just need a little more to get the cancer to go into remission. There is also the possibility of a liver resection if the cancer does not completely go into remission after treatment. I will have another PET scan in 3-4 months to see how this treatment is affecting the tumors. My Oncologist was very positive and felt that my treatment was going well.

I have been feeling pretty great and look at this is a positive sign that things are looking up for me. I am very Thankful for each day and have truly been blessed. Thanks everyone for the continued prayers and support. :0)

Biological treatment day

2010-01-19T11:07:00.000-08:00

Just thought I would do a quick post before heading off to treatment this afternoon. :o)

Things are going really well and I am happier than I have been in a long time. I don't look or feel sick. My liver twinges are dissipating which I am taking as a good sign that the tumor is shrinking. Still praying for complete remission in 2010. It really is difficult to feel like you are in limbo all the time, but I am dealing with it all one day at a time. I feel so fortunate that I am alive to breathe in each new day.

The kids are doing well. My oldest went through a pretty rough period these past couple of weeks, but I think we finally got it all sorted out. We've been talking a lot more lately about things and I think it is great that she is getting her feelings validated. My middle son is back at school since last week. He had a little bit of a break with the move and getting his bus route figured out. He is always so happy and excited to go to school. My littlest one is so happy in our new home. He went through a period where he was shrieking at the top of his lungs, but thankfully since we moved that has passed. They all are adjusting and seem a little happier.

As always, I am so appreciative of all the love, support, and prayers that are continually sent my way. I am very optimistic about what the future holds for me. I went through a period of feeling devastated, but now I feel that such good positive things are happening to me...it can only get better from here. I refuse to be yet another statistic and I have so much to live for.

I have my Oncologist appointment next week to go over my CT scan from July and my recent PET scan. The radiologist will compare the results, so that we know where we stand. At that time, she will determine if I need to continue my weekly biological treatments or if she has another treatment option. I will update my blog when I know more.

PET Scan results

2010-01-12T18:17:00.000-08:00

Thanks to my mom asking the nurse after I had a meltdown, she went over my PET scan results with me. Unlike my worst fears, the cancer has not spread. The twinges that I feel in my liver are actually the cancer cells dying and the tumor shrinking. The chemo is doing it's job.

We are currently in my last cycle (Cycle 12). I will get unhooked on Thursday afternoon and I am done with Chemo. I still may have to go in for my once weekly biological treatments depending on what my Oncologist decides. I do have a treatment next Tuesday for sure.

In the mean time, I have to obtain my CT scan that was done in July from the hospital and have it sent to the Radiologist to do a comparison.

2010 really does seem like it is going to be a much better year than last year. I have the support of my wonderful friends and family. I feel really optimistic about the future now.

The kids are doing great and have adjusted to our new home well. Fortunately, they got to attend same schools. Tyler starts back on Thursday after having to get his bus route situated. He is anxious to go back and see his teacher and his friends. The boys and I get up every morning and walk Kaylie to school. It is too far for her to walk alone. Logan is thriving and is still my little "chunky monkey". He likes to say "Wow" over and over. It is so adorable. I love them all so much.

The rest of my personal life is awesome to say the least. I really am content with life and thankful that I have been so blessed.

I will update again on Thursday when I get my pump unhooked and get my shot. No serious side effects yet except for the neuropathy that started during my last cycle. This may or may not be a permanent condition. Only time will tell.

Love you all,

Vicki

2010-01-09T14:05:00.000-08:00

It's been awhile since I updated my blog. The last few weeks have been pretty hectic. The kids and I downsized and moved to an apartment last week. We love it here and the kids are excited that there is a pool. Plus their Uncle lives in the same complex - in the next building over from us. We are still settling in and have to get our stuff from storage, but things are progressing. It is nice because we live in the same neighborhood, so the kids still attend the same schools.

I finally had my PET scan done last week, but won't discuss the results with my doctor until the 26th. I am nervous, but since I am feeling so good I feel that it can only be positive news. I asked for my last lab results last week and they couldn't find them in my patient file, so I will have to ask again this coming week. Tuesday starts my final round of chemo. It has been a long 6 months for everyone, but hopefully this will be it for awhile. If not, I am not sure what the next course of treatment will be. I know that there are lots of options available now and I will do whatever it takes.

My life is going really well and I am happier than I have ever been in my life despite the cancer. I have lots of really wonderful and supportive people in my life. A few (who should know who they are) have made my life incredible. I am forever grateful for the continued support, prayers, and love that have been sent my way. I really do believe that positive things are in store for me this year.

I will try to update from treatment on Treatment on Tuesday (hopefully before the Benedryl kicks in) on the status of my blood work and the start of my final treatment.

Lots of Love,

Vicki

Happy Holidays!

2009-12-21T20:41:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to take the time to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas! We (the kids and I) will be spending a relaxing Christmas Eve with my mom and my brothers. Then we will most likely spend Christmas Day day home. I am so excited for the kids to open their gifts. We have been truly blessed this year with lots of friends and family that love us very much and have made sure that my kids have the kind of Christmas they deserve and more. This is going to be a fantastic Christmas for them. :o)

Tomorrow is my biological treatment day. I don't look forward to them as they also give me Benedryl through my port and it makes me so sleepy. I always make sure mom has plenty of reading material for when I fall asleep on her.

Thanks to everyone for the continued prayers and support. I really am feeling great and happier than ever. I am optimistic that I will beat this even if the "odds" are against me. I refuse to be another statistic.

I have met more and more young Stage IV Colon cancer patients and it really makes me want to do something to push for earlier screening. Most of my friends who have Stage IV Colon cancer are under the age of 40. My newest friend is only 26 with mets to her lungs. Something needs to be done..just not sure where to start. :0(

Not to leave this on a "downer"..Have a safe and happy holiday and I will most likely post another update after Christmas or at the start of Cycle 11 on the 28th. We are getting close to the end now :0)

Cycle 10 completed

2009-12-16T17:29:00.000-08:00

Today was my final day of cycle 1o. I got "unhooked" and got my shot to keep my white cell count up. I had a little bit of a scare on Monday when I got the results of my blood tests. Everything was out of whack! My white cell count was extremely high, My neutrophils were at an alert level, my red cells were up, the CEA and the CA-19-9 were also elevated from last time. I was beyond scared that something was terribly wrong. I saw my Oncologist on Tuesday and she said that because I had my shot two days prior to my blood draw that it explains all of the crazy blood test results and that I should not worry. She thinks that I am progressing well and felt my liver and said that it is much better.

So, I have my PET scan on Friday and now she also wants me to have a CAT scan as well to compare to the one that they took in the hospital in July to use as a baseline. I won't get the results until I see her on December 29th. I guess this will allow me to enjoy the holidays in case there is any bad news. Keeping my fingers crossed for good results.

I want to thank everyone again for the continued support and prayers. I am really thankful to feel as good as I do right now.

Biological treatment day

2009-12-07T11:15:00.000-08:00

It's hard to believe that it has been 5 months since the devastating day that I receive my diagnosis. I can still vividly remember the ER doctor coming in and telling me that my CT scan showed that my insides were a mess and that they think I have cancer. I was alone with only the Dr in the room as my husband had left to go to the vending machine with our oldest son. I was terrified and broke down. The next day after exploratory surgery they confirmed the worst. I woke up from surgery to something I had never expected. I had spent months thinking that I have everything, but cancer. The word never even occured to me.

I have come a long way from that fateful day. I have realized more about life in the past five months that I never even dared. Life is precious and it truly is a gift. We often take it for granted and the people in it. I have tried hard to make relationships with people that I may have neglected and bring people closer to me. I am so thankful for everyone in my life. I also have realized that some people come and go in your life. That is OK too. Everyone has a purpose even if they are in your life only for a brief while. Even when things end badly and you know it is time to move on. Some relationships i should have moved on from a long time ago, but I was holding out hope for change that never happened. I am at peace with that and have never felt better in my life. I really have moved on and into the next phase of my life.

I have a Stage Iv colon cancer buddy that has given me hope. She was diagnosed in 2004 and is now NED (no evidence of disease). this gives me so much hope for my future. She has been an inspiration to me and really gives me the sense that miracles can happen.

I have found so much support from so many people and I am eternally grateful for all the love and prayers. I have to keep the faith :0)

Today is my biological treatment. This is usually where I fall asleep on my mom from the drowsiness of the benadryl they give me beforehand. LOL My mom is such a trooper. Hopefully, they will also have the blood test results from the lab that I had drawn on Fri. Praying that those numbers continue to go down. I actually feel better than I have in a long time and certainly do not feel "sick"

Loves and kisses,

Vicki

Chemo Cycle 9

2009-12-01T19:40:00.000-08:00

On Day two and home with my lovely pump filled with chemicals. I go tomorrow afternoon to be unhooked thankfully. I also go in for my once every three week test to check my CEA (a tumor marker for colon cancer patients) and the CA019-9. I should be able to report the results on Monday. I'm praying that the numbers have gone down.

I am worried because lately I have had lots of twinges and aches in the area where my liver is. I am just hoping that it is the chemo doing its job and not the chemo failing. It has me worried, but but I should know Monday whether or not things are working as they should be.

Otherwise, I am feeling great. I discovered that caffeine was the secret to keeping my appetite up. I have actually managed to gain 17 lbs back of the 50 lbs that I lost. I look so much better that people have actually commented on it. I don;t look so "sick" and anymore. If you didn't know that I have cancer, you would never guess now ;0)

The founder of singleton moms has been an enormous help to me. She is making sure that I have all my paperwork in order in case something does happen to me. Cancer may not take me, but I could be hit by a bus tomorrow. She is doing so many things for me and I am forever grateful. She knows how serious my diagnosis is and wants to make sure that I am taken care of. She is wonderful!

I am so blessed to have such supportive friends and family. People that I haven't talked to in years and new friends that I have made recently. I am so fortunate to have you all in my life. I have drawn strength from all of you.

The kids are doing well, but I am still trying to convince my oldest to go to therapy. I really do think that she needs to talk to someone. She is old enough to understand the reality of the situation. My middle child is constantly telling me that I am "sick". Which actually drives me batty. I don't feel "sick" and I want to call myself a survivor someday. :0) The baby of course has no clue and is thriving.

I'll update soon on the results of my tests and any other happenings.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2009-11-26T11:41:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to wish everyone a happy Thanksgiving! I'm headed off to my mom's in a little bit to have dinner with her, my kids, and two of my brothers. I am so blessed and thankful for each day that I have to spend with my family. It is weird how cancer changes your life in mysterious ways. I now make sure to let the people in my life know how much I love them and are thankful for them. Little things make me happy and in a way they always have. I now see how people come and go in your life and that is OK too. I have so much to be thankful for and my three beautiful children have brought me so much joy. I wish someone would have told me that children are like pieces of your heart walking outside of your body.

I am also thankful for all the love, prayers, and support I have gotten over the last five months since my diagnosis. I never knew I could feel so much love. You are all wonderful and make me believe that I will survive this. You are all blessings. I hope that you are all blessed this Thanksgiving with the love of family and friends.

T

Chemo Cycle 9 delayed

2009-11-24T11:20:00.001-08:00

So, I got to my appointment a little bit late yesterday by accident. (We had the time wrong) So, they refused to treat me and set my Cycle 9 schedule to next week (Mon-Wed) instead. The funny thing is that if I get there on time, they have made me wait almost an hour in the waiting room. It's funny how things work when the tables are turned.

I am looking on the bright side that at least my Thanksgiving dinner will taste "normal" and I will be able to enjoy it. I am looking forward to spending the holiday with my kids, my mom, and two of my brothers. I know that the time will be special.

My middle child came home on Sunday from his trip with his dad and he is so happy to be home. He went back to school on Monday and is doing so well. It was so nice to see how much he missed his home, his brother and sister, and me. I've been getting lots of hugs and loveys.

The baby has a cold and is a little cranky. I'm just hoping that no one else catches it. Otherwise, he is doing good and growing like a weed. Can you believe that he is already wearing a 3T at 17 months? He's not even overly chubby just really solid. He is my little charmer.

My oldest is doing well. She is looking forward to having the next three days off of school and the weekend. Things have been really tough on her and she could use the break from school. Her teacher is still not very understanding and it breaks my heart to see my daughter struggle. I really wish she would talk to someone.

I am doing well. I have made a lot of "online" friends that know what I am going through both with my diagnosis and with my pending divorce. It is nice to know that I am not alone. I am doing much better about everything and have reached the stage where I am actually finding my happiness again. It's actually been a long time coming and I'm happy to be single and raise my three beautiful children.

Weekend Update ;0)

2009-11-20T19:39:00.000-08:00

So, I guess its time for an update. I am so glad that it is Friday. We get to sleep in tomorrow if we want to. Kaylie has been having a hard time lately and her teacher is not very understanding of our circumstances and the emotions/uncertainty that comes with my diagnosis. She seriously needs to cut my daughter some slack and be more understanding. It is very aggravating.

Otherwise, things are going as smoothly as possible considering. We are still waiting for Tyler to come home. He has been gone two and a half weeks now and was supposed to be brought home today. The ex has promised to have him home by Sunday. That seriously needs to happen as Tyler needs to go back to school and I miss him so much. It feels so good to know that we are nearing the end and hopefully I can start the new year with Cancer not being the first thing on my mind. I get my blood drawn again on Dec 2nd, so I will know then where I stand on my CEA counts and CA-19-9 which are the current tumor markers for colon cancer. At last blood draw, my CA-19-9 was normal, but the CEA was still quite high at a little over 300.

Hopefully, the next four cycles will be it for me. This cancer is aggressive and recurrence is very likely, but I can have hope and faith that it will be years instead of months before that happens - if ever.

I attended a Webinar last week on Nutrition and Lifestyle choices to prevent recurrence. It was very informative, but I seriously need to make some major changes in my diet. No more red meat for me. I also need to concentrate more on my mental health and think healing thoughts. I have also become a part of several online communities with other cancer patients/survivors and it has been so helpful to me to talk with others who truly know what I am going through.

I seriously need to see the film/documentary of "Crazy Sexy Cancer" and get her books when I have the "extra" money. My dad rocks! He just got me the DVD and both books after reading my blog. Love you, Dad :0) She is so inspiring and has lots of great tips as to not let cancer rule/ruin your life and to live life to the fullest. I want so much to wake up and not let the "c-word" consume my world. My kids deserve better than that and they are my first priority.

Other than the fatigue, I am doing good and trying my Best to take positive steps forward in my life. :0)

Post treatment update

2009-11-16T11:45:00.000-08:00

Thought I would give everyone a post treatment update. I am actually doing quite well. My appetite has been a lot better and I actually managed to gain a few pounds instead of losing. I know this will help me to keep my strength up and be better in the long run.

The kids are keeping me going. I wake up and smile when I see them. They really are the light of my life. I have been truly blessed with three amazing and very different kids. They each amaze me in their own ways. I felt bad this morning because my pre-teen daughter had a crying meltdown and couldn't explain why she was crying. I know the uncertainty in out lives is taking its toll on her. I really wish that she would agree to counseling.

I have so much to do around this house. We are down-sizing and moving to an apartment hopefully in December. I wish I had a little more energy to get things done. I actually accomplished a lot so far and have been doing some serious cleaning and getting rid of stuff. It is amazing how much "junk" you collect over the years. It has been difficult to survive financially over the past few months, but this month really put the squeeze on. I haven't received any money from my ex for child support. Yet, he has had the money to feed himself, his girlfriend and our son at restaurants and fast food. It really makes me angry at how selfish he is being. Anyways, I need to get cracking on packing up this house. At least I was able to go through the playroom and get rid of toys while my little man was with his dad.

This week there is so much to do. I have my Erbitux treatment today. Plus, I have to run a couple of errands. Then on Thursday, we have the dreaded PET scan. I am extremely nervous for the results, but I know that it must be done. We have put it off for far too long. I'm just not looking forward to the two hours it takes and not being able to have carbs or sugar the day before. The day of, I can only have water. I am not a water drinker, so this will be difficult for me. ;0) Enough whining from me...I WILL survive!

Cycle 8 done and Gone :0)

2009-11-12T16:12:00.001-08:00

Just finished Cycle 8 yesterday. Only 4 more treatments to go and hopefully I can start the new year Cancer free. I am hopeful that this treatment is working and will be finally doing my PET scan in the next couple of weeks. Need to get it done before the holidays creep up on us.;0)

Working on eating better and trying to gain a little weight back. I know this will increase my odds of not getting sicker and having more strength.

I am getting stronger by the day and more emotionally stable. I realized a lot of things about myself and I feel more empowered than I ever have. :0)

Cycle 8

2009-11-10T10:48:00.000-08:00

We are almost 80% done with chemo treatment. :0) The shot worked and my white blood cells were up, so I was able to receive treatment yesterday. I never thought I would be so thankful to have chemo. Chemo sucks, but cancer sucks even more. It is going alright except the fatigue has set in again. I guess I should be thankful that I just have the baby here during the day and he still takes naps, so that I can too. That is a bonus, but I still miss my middle child who is visiting his father so much. I call him every day, even though he is not much of a phone talker just to check on him. My daughter is back to school this week after feeling a little under the weather last week. The baby is doing fine too. We are all adjusting to life with Cancer and making the best of it. I still have my moments of sadness, but I am a fighter and fighters win!

down

2009-11-08T13:56:00.000-08:00

I don't know why I feel so down lately. I go from feeling like a fighter to wanting to give up constantly. It's so hard to work though these emotions and feel so isolated all the time. I rarely get out of the house anymore unless it's to go to the store or chemo treatments. I think it is finally starting to take a toll on me. I'm tired of being sad and I know I need to pull myself out of this funk. I just sometimes wonder why all of this..my cancer, my son's issues, and my husband leaving during all of this had to be my burden..how much more can I withstand?!

Sorry for the downer post, but I just had to get this off my chest.

Update

2009-11-06T12:13:00.000-08:00

Had my third shot today to try and boost my white blood cell count. Hopefully, I will be able to resume treatment on Monday. The shots give you some pretty funky bone pain, but I'm not complaining as long as it does it job. ;0) My CEA numbers continue to go down and my CA-19-9 is 34 which is normal. So, the treatment so far is working and I am so thankful.

My middle son is off with his father and I miss him so much. He only left yesterday,but I have only been away from him once before in his five years. This is really difficult for me right now when I want to spend every moment with my kids. My future is uncertain and I want them to know how much their mommy loves them and cherishes time with them.

No Treatment today

2009-11-04T16:06:00.000-08:00

I couldn't receive treatment today because my White Blood Cell count was too low. So, instead I received a shot today and for the next two days as well. Then hopefully, I will be able to receive treatment on Monday -Wed if the counts are up to normal.

Otherwise things are going alright and I have been forcing myself to eat..even though everything tastes like cardboard. I met a lady at my treatment center today that is the same age with the same exact diagnosis. It was nice to met yet another person that understands what I am going through. She too is a single mom. We exchanged numbers and I look forward to talking more with her. :0)

Thanks to everyone for the continous prayers and kind thoughts. They really are helping me through this. :0)

My Banner

2009-11-02T15:45:00.000-08:00

My banner was made from my daughter, Kaylie.

An update

2009-11-02T15:07:00.000-08:00

As most of you know by now, my husband of 7 years left me last week for another woman. She is his team driver and I am slowly healing. I realized that we haven't been "in love" for a long time. The kids are doing fine with their mommy and the only one that really realizes what is going on is my oldest. She is really hurting right now and angry for me. She is such a precious angel.

Otherwise, we are all doing great. I feel stronger and stronger every day. I will have new CEA and CA-19-9 numbers at the end of the week. Hopefully, those numbers continue to go down as I kick this cancer's bootie. I feel positive and I am so thankful for all the love and support of my family and friends. We start Cycle 8 of 12 on Wed and I am hoping that this round is gentler on me than the last cycle. I think the last cycle was more depression with all that has been going on in my life.

I have been urged to get counseling, but hesitate because it one more thing that my mom will have to drive me to. Although, she could probably use some counseling with me. Maybe my daughter too. My sons are both to young to even grasp was is going on.

Today I am meeting with the founder of singletonmoms.org which helps single moms that are battling cancer and going through treatment. I am really looking forward to meeting her. I see how much they have helped other moms and I am excited to have yet another team of moms on my side.

My ex is probably about to quit his job because he is currently in the hole. So, I am stressed about money because I won't be seeing any Child support for awhile. I may have to consider living with my mom for a few months. At least until my treatments are over and I have saved money for a smaller place and hopefully a used car. I hate being cooped up in this house all the time. There is a great playgroup for my youngest but I can't go to any of the events because they are too far to walk and I can't burden my mom anymore than I already have.

I'll get off my pity pot, but that is my current life situation in a nutshell. Thank you to everyone for your prayers and kind thoughts. I will be alright.

Another round of Erbitux

2009-10-29T18:25:00.000-07:00

Just had another round and it wipes me out, but I have spent more time out of bed today than in. I really think it is more depression than fatigue from the chemo. I am dealing with it the best that I know how. Tyler has really been a handful lately and I am at the end of my rope. We had a really good night tonight though singing ABC's together and counting. It was really nice. My daughter is at her Karate which has been so good for her during this ordeal. She already tested and will be getting her Yellow belt soon. I am so proud of her. The baby is doing well too and walking up a storm. Watch out me! My kids are what keeps me going and I pray that this cancer will go away and never return every day. I am so thankful for the loving support of my family and friends. Without them I could not endure this. Love you all!

Cycle 7

2009-10-26T07:07:00.000-07:00

Cycle 7 was far more difficult than any cycle so far. I'm sure it was due to all the added stress that I have in my life right now. I am trying my best to keep everything together for my kids if nothing else. They are the ones that need me the most right now. I am still struggling to eat and have lost even more weight. It's difficult when everything tastes like cardboard and you have no appetite. I am still trooping along and trying my best to beat this cancer. The numbers for my CEA and CA 19-9 counts went down by 50% this past week, so I am hopeful.

I treated my daughter to her Fall Festival at school with her Uncle this past Friday and they had a blast. I am so glad that she got out to have some fun with her Uncle. The boys are doing well as can be under the circumstances. Tyler still needs some extra help, but is progressing well in school. Logan is my "Chunky Monkey" and I just wish I had his little appetite. That boy will eat anything..even his veggies with happiness. I love them all to pieces. :0)

Fatigue

2009-10-15T13:35:00.000-07:00

Fatigue in a nutshell "sucks"! My biological treatment every Wed seems to wipe me out. I was thankful that hubby was here to give me a much needed 3 hour nap. I still ended up going to bed early and got another 12 hours. I feel much more refreshed today and was able to get up and do more than I have in a while. I caught up on laundry, dishes, and other household stuff. Hubby has been working on a extensive "honey-do" list including taking care of our front yard trees that seem to have gone crazy over the last couple of months that he has been gone.

In exciting news..my baby is finally taking his first steps without holding on to anything. He smiles the whole time and is so proud of himself. :0)

All in all..I am doing the best that I can and trying my best to remain positive.

Chemo Cycle 6

2009-10-08T12:58:00.000-07:00

We've reached the halfway pint of my treatment. Each cycle seems to get harder with the side effects. I've been steadily losing weight and am working hard to try and keep my weight at a steady level, but it gets harder as treatment continues. I know that I have to work harder at forcing myself to eat no matter what. The nurse at treatment yesterday gave me an awesome cookbook that gives lots of great tips on what to eat during each side effect. I'm definitely going to put it to good use.

Day 1 went well. The Benedryl always wipes me out, so other than checking out the book..I spent most of the four hours sleeping. It still seemed like we were there forever! Afterwards, I had to stop and get cat food so that the cats don't eat me alive. ;0)

Today is Day 2, so we face 2 hours in the treatment room and another 22 hours with the pump tonight. Tomorrow, we go and get unhooked and head directly to go and finally get my PET scan done. I'm kind of nervous about that. I'll keep everyone posted on the results.

2009-10-03T10:03:00.000-07:00

Still feeling really tired, but I am trying my best to manage. I am finally getting better sleep, but having the strangest dreams. I'm still waking in the middle of the night with my mind working overtime. I really need to find something to direct my attention to more positive things. It is difficult when the kids and I are cooped up in the house all the time.

I saw my PA at the Oncologist's office last week and she did an excellent job of easing a lot of my anxiety and telling me to stop reading and start thinking of myself as an individual. It really helped me to believe that I can beat this even if statistically the odds are against me. There is always the chance that this cancer will go into remission. I have to hold on to that hope.

I went back to my biological treatments on Wed. Hoping this time around that we can keep some of the side-effects in better control. I was exhausted after the treatment from the Benedryl, but

otherwise I was feeling alright.

On Friday, I must have caught some kind of bug because I couldn't even get out of bed. I ended up getting sick three times and was feeling so weak. Pretty pathetic when you have three kids to take care of on your own. That's where the guilt kicks in and you wonder if you are doing the best that you can.

Sadly, after spending the last five years trying to lose those last pounds of "baby" weight, I am now suddenly faced with trying to keep the weight on. I can't afford to lose anymore weight, so I have relented and started to drink Ensure just to get some extra calories. I used to love food..maybe too much. Now, it seems ridiculous to me that I have to force myself to eat the things that I once would have inhaled. I dream of the day when I will enjoy food like that again.

We are now reaching the halfway point of my treatment. Next week will be my 6th Chemo treatment and it seems to get increasingly harder as we go on. I'm battling depression and hate that I am so dependent on others right now. I have cancer, but I want to feel like I am more capable of doing things for myself. Unfortunately, my finances fall short of me being able to feel like I am still alive. With my mom's own poor health, I fee guilty for all that she does for me. I know that she does it out of love for me, but I see the toll that it takes on her and it makes me feel even more guilty. I wish that I was in a better financial position to help myself more.

Anyways, I step off the pity potty and say that I am at least feeling good enough today to actually update my blog, so I guess that is good news. ;0)

Cycle 5

2009-09-24T08:35:00.000-07:00

Cycle 5 is going well. I had a real appetite yesterday for the first time in months. It started when I made myself a cup of noodle soup before my chemo. Then I had some cheese its at chemo and came home to eat a chicken fajita pita and some curly fries. Later, while helping my daughter with her homework, we shared some butter lovers popcorn. I haven't eaten that much in a long time! I was really proud of myself :0)

My son did not want to sleep last night. We are out of his medication, so I am dealing with him being super hyper and non-compliant. He ended finally passing out at 3am, so needless to say I am exhausted this morning. I had trouble getting to sleep after that and was awake until almost 5am. Hard when I have to be up at 6:30 to get my daughter ready for school. It's really difficult to deal with all of this alone and I really wish hubby were home.

Besides being overly tired and needing some coffee, Day 2 is going alright. I go in for treatment this afternoon for 2 hours and then come home with the pump again for another 22 hours. The only real side effect that I am feeling right now is the cold sensitivity.

In other good news, my CEA and CA 19-9 numbers continue to go down. Since my last blood test my CEA was more cut by more than half. They are still fairly high (I have a lot of Cancer), but they are going in the right direction and the treatment is working. I believe that all the positive thoughts and prayers for me have had a huge impact in how I am doing. I truly believe that is what is helping me to deal with everything and remain positive. Much love to all of you :0)

Rough Day

2009-09-21T08:30:00.000-07:00

Had a rough day yesterday. Not feeling well both physically and had a huge surge of emotions that overwhelmed me. I spent a good part of the morning crying. My mom came over to take care of the kids, so that I could get some much needed sleep. I need to learn that my body doesn't work the way that it used to and I can't stay up late and get up early anymore.

I have so many thoughts going through my head and I have that the first thing that I think of in the morning is that, "I have cancer." The harsh reality and then a million thoughts come rushing in. Cancer has changed my whole perspective on everything. The "little things" that used to irritate me don't seem as important anymore. I spend each and every day telling and showing my children how much that I love them. There is not a moment that they are not in my thoughts. I think about living and seeing all their important moments and sadly I think about dying and leaving them without a mommy. I want so badly to live. but sometimes wanting is not enough. I pray that my body cooperates with the chemo and I can get more time to see all those "moments". None of us are promised tomorrow, but it seems so much scarier when you realize what that really means. I'm a fighter and I WILL fight for more time....

TGIF!

2009-09-18T15:41:00.001-07:00

No big plans for the weekend except hanging out with my mom and the kids. We may treat ourselves and get a Starbucks too.

I am really enjoying the break from the biological treatments - already seeing a difference in my skin. Hopefully, I can keep it a little more managed with the new lower dose when we resume this treatment in the 30th. Currently, I am gearing up for Cycle 5 next week and hoping that it goes a little better for me than Cycle 4. Normally, I feel better the Tuesday after I get "unhooked", but this week it really took until today (Friday) for me to feel "normal". Hopefully, this will be the worst of it. :0)

Couldn't schedule my PET scan yet as the tech informed us that it is actually 10 hours that I need to keep my distance from my children, (At least an arms length). This means that my children need to spend the night elsewhere or it will never work. Needless to say, anyone who has children understands that it would be next to impossible to keep my kids away from me if we are in the same house. LOL

Looking forward to some "fun stuff" that is in the planning stages that I will update you all on at a later date. ;0) Really want to spend as much time doing things with my family and my children as life and time in general is just too precious to waste.

Link to My daughter's Blog ;0)

2009-09-16T13:23:00.001-07:00

http://www.mymomkickincancer.blogspot.com/

Getting a Break!

2009-09-16T12:42:00.000-07:00

Doctor decided to take it easy on me and give me two weeks off on my weekly biological treatment in order for my acne-like rash to clear up a little. When we restart, they will be giving me a lower dose to help manage the side effects. I am really happy about that..it is my face after all ;0)

My family and I finally have a plan on how to get my PET scan completed since I can't be around my children for 6 hours following. I am nervous about it, but I know it will give them a baseline as to where we are really at with my cancer.

Today, I am finally feeling much better after a much rougher cycle 4 last week. Finally, I have my appetite back and am looking forward to a fully loaded Subway Sandwich for a late lunch. Nothing else much planned for the day except spending time with my kiddos.

Currently

2009-09-12T11:59:00.000-07:00

I just finished Cycle 4 of my Chemo yesterday and I still feel pretty good. The Chemo that I am taking fortunately does not make you lose your hair, but the biological treatment that I have every Tuesday makes me break out like a teenager :0( Still don't have much of an appetite, but that usually returns after the metallic taste has left my mouth. Cold sensitivity is pretty high right now. Touching anything cold feels like I am being burned. Made it hard to make that Frozen pizza for the kids for lunch.

I think my daughter is getting a cold, so I made her some chicken noodle soup. My mom is making us her famous "pie pie" and Chocolate Chip cookies for dinner. Hoping my appetite returns by them as those are my favorites. Looking forward to spending the weekend relaxing with my mom and the kids. I feel so fortunate to have my mom nearby. She has been a tremendous support through all of this.

My hubby will be gone for a least another month. He just signed his truck lease and has finally been making the miles that we were praying for. yay! We (the kids and I) miss him, but know that he is out there trying to provide for us. It has been difficult for him to be away from us, but we are making the best of the situation. We have lots of long telephone conversations that help us through.

I am especially thankful for all my extended family and friends who follow me on facebook, my blog and daily who are praying for me. I really do believe that those prayers are working. At last check my CEA counts were half of what we started with. The Chemo is working to kick this cancer's bootie!

The Start of Chemo

2009-09-12T09:59:00.000-07:00

I began cycle 1 of my Chemo on July 28th, 2009. I was nervous and very anxious. I had no idea what to expect to how my reaction would be to the Chemo. The first day in the treatment room was 6 hours as the initial dose takes the longest. I came home with a pump that I would have to wear for 22 hours and return to get more treatment and then another 22 hour refill. The third day, I get "unhooked". This is how the cycle will go for 6 months..well past Christmas. The medications that they give you now for nausea are awesome. For the most part, I felt pretty good. Maybe just a little more tired, not much of an appetite, and a little bit of a tummy ache.

I felt good enough that second day to go school supply and uniform shopping for my kids since they started school on August 3rd. I lost 30 lbs since my release from the hospital from my lack of appetite, so now I work really hard on maintaining,so that I don;t end up like a skeleton. ;0)

Hospital Visitors and going home

2009-09-12T09:40:00.000-07:00

I was so fortunate to have such a supportive family. My mom came daily and brought my daughter along. I requested that my youngest not be brought because I knew it would break my heart that I couldn't hold him. My youngest brother drew me a picture (He is an awesome artist) of my baby as I remember him best..sitting in his car seat with the air conditioning blowing in his hair with the hugest smile on his face. That vision is what got me through those days without my little boy.

Tyler and Daddy spent the first few nights with me, but we don't have a car right now since mine caught on fire on Memorial Day. So, it became to difficult for him to get to the hospital and Tyler was getting restless. So, my mom would come daily and try to encourage me as best as she could. My daughter being there was the best even though I know it was hard for her to see me like that.

I recovered quickly as I always do and couldn't wait until they gave me the okay to go home. The first few weeks home were hard, as I was still recovering from surgery and needed help. I was so fortunate that my youngest brother is as awesome as he is. He came to live with me during those first few weeks and helped to take care of the kids. He was awesome and I owe him so much!

My dad drove all the way from Minnesota to come and see me right after my release from the hospital. It was so nice the first few days to have my family together. I enjoyed that visit so much. :0)

Surgery and Post-op

2009-09-12T08:57:00.000-07:00

The morning of July 3rd, 2009, I was taken in for exploratory surgery. The surgery ended up taking about 6 hours. While they were in surgery, they discovered that I had a 16mm tumor on my colon which they removed, a perforated bowel, and a 13mm tumor on my liver. My insides were almost septic and they had to flush me out about 6 times. I was on a multitude of antibiotics from the infectious disease Doctor during my entire eight day hospital stay and ended up needing a blood transfusion.

After the surgery was completed, I was very groggy and completely lost on what everyone was telling me. I could not comprehend that at age 34, I have stage IV Colon Cancer. They warned me that the next year would be the hardest battle of my life. My doctors were my peers and they themselves were in shock.

My hospital stay was wonderful (as far as being in a hospital goes). The Doctors and Nurses were great and did a wonderful job of explaining things to me. My surgeon's PA was awesome and even printed out a ton of information for me on treatment options and what my diagnosis means. I refuse to listen to statistics..I am young and otherwise healthy..I can totally kick this cancer to the curb!

How It all Started

2009-09-12T08:39:00.000-07:00

On July 2nd, 2009 after months of stomach pains that progressively had gotten worse, I decided that I could not take that pain anymore. My husband had come home for his "home time" as a truck driver and I asked him to take me to the local clinic. He was happy that I finally wanted to go to the Doctor as he had been urging me for since March, but I hesitated because of insurance issues.

I was seen at the local clinic, but because of all of my symptoms and not having the right equipment they urged me to immediately go to the ER at Banner Estrella Hospital. I made arrangements for my kids to be watched (except for Tyler who came with Daddy and I) and we headed off to the hospital. I was feeling my worst ever by this time and very scared of what was wrong with me.

We were seen very quickly in the ER because of the symptoms I was having and the fact that my heart rate was so elevated. Last I heard, it was 147 upon being admitted. The Doctor started his exam and mentioned that I had a defect in a hernia that I had repaired in 2005. I thought that that was all it was. They gave me some medicine for the pain and ran several blood tests before sending me in for a CT Scan.

They came back and said I had earned myself a room and I was so scared. They moved me to an ER room and I waited for the Doctor to come in with the results. Tyler was hungry, so Scott took him to the vending machines. While he was gone the Doctor came back in and said, "Your CT scan shows a real mess..we are not sure what is going on..you have some spits on your liver that we think are cancer..we are going to have to do exploratory surgery to figure this all out". He then went on to tell me that I was really lucky that I came in to the ER. "You probably would not have made it here". Boy does that make you feel blessed!